I survived a second 24 hour fast this weekend. I had supper at 6pm on Saturday and didn’t eat again until 6pm this evening. I admit it was a little harder this week compared to last. I think a lot of that had to due with me being out late last night and not eating nearly enough for supper (protein bar). I was seriously lacking calories. There were a few times I didn’t feel so hot but I still pulled through. I definitely wouldn’t recommend a serious workout on an empty stomach. I went for a run but didn’t quite feel right. I dunno…I’m going to try it out for a cpl more weeks and see how it goes. If I see results I’ll stick with it - otherwise no.

It’s a long weekend here on PEI - my mother called this afternoon and she wants to take the kids all day tomorrow. The plan is to drop them off at around 9 tomorrow morning and then Roy and I will have the day to ourselves. This rarely happens so we’re not entirely sure what we’re going to do LOL. If the weather stays nice we would like to go biking on the trail. Otherwise who knows! It will be great just to have some alone time. As long as we’re back home by 6 so I can make it to Derek’s class.

I had a great afternoon picking away at my acoustic and electric guitar. I’d really like to hook up with another guitar player and do some jamming and exchanging of techniques. My friend Mario plays but he’s left handed (totally useless to me). I think we might get together though and play around a bit. Anyone else reading this who plays guitar and lives on PEI let me know.

I go see Dr. Mitton on Thursday and will be having my catscan to prepare for surgery. Not sure how I feel about that. Apparently it’s a pretty confined space but not too bad. I’m just anxious to talk to him about what to expect. I’m reading as much as I can from Archwired to prepare for my big day. This 6 week no chew diet sounds like it’s going to be hell. There will be nothing left of me lol.

Anyhow that’s the scoop for now. Gotta be up early for my morning run then taking the kids to Ch’town.

Nite!

“June 27th, 2005
I had my session with the trainer at the gym today and it went pretty well. There were a lot of people at the gym so I had a hard time trying to make myself feel like I belonged. I know it sounds weird but I always feel like people are judging me based on my weight. The trainer was REALLY nice though and she wrote down all the exercises I should be doing. I have 12-13 machines to do in total, with 3 sets of 12 each time. She’d like me to stick to this program for 6-8 weeks then make another appointment with her to change things around a bit. Based on the crowd at the gym tonight I think I’ll try going early mornings when there are typically older people and smaller crowds. It was a lot of young people tonight.

Wendy (trainer) recommended that I do at least 30 minutes of cardio, 3 days a week. She was impressed when I told her I already try to do that everyday. In terms of weight loss she said this will help me out a lot. The weight lifting is also a good part to help. I really need to concentrate on the exercises and make sure I’m doing things right. She warned me that a lot of people come into the gym, go quickly and end up doing the exercises wrong. I’m in this for the long haul and I want RESULTS so I’m going to make sure I do things RIGHT.
I was asked to name two reasons for wanting to lose weight aside from just wanting to be smaller. My immediate motivation is the kids. I want to be here a long time for my children, and I want them to have a happy, healthy mom. My daughter is only 3 but I spent many times being too lazy to run around and play with her. This summer we’ve been getting out to the park, running around and it’s just great. My kids deserve an active mom.

My second reason for wanting to lose weight is to feel happy about myself and my body. I’ve spent a long time hating the way I look and it’s time I make changes to improve things. I’ve always shied away from getting my picture taken because I didn’t want to see myself. I wouldn’t go out to social events because I could never find anything nice to wear that fit me. I was also ashamed of my size. All the other girls were prettier and skinner. So much hiding and missing out. I don’t want to go through that anymore. I absolutely HATE that the only spot I had to shop for the longest time was Penningtons here in Canada. I was too big for the plus size stuff at Walmart, and we all know how fashionable that stuff can be *laugh*. I can’t wait to lose more weight and finally fit into regular clothes from ANY store. “

This was written a few weeks shy of 3 years ago. I can barely believe it’s been that long. I was logging my food journal this evening and decided to read through my older posts. What an eye opener. It’s easy to forget just how far I’ve come since that early post. So much hope - wondering if I could really do it this time around. I admit now that I had my doubts. I always had the “want” to lose weight but never the “follow through” to keep at it. I’m so glad I did.

Reading the older entries really brought back my feelings of fear when I first started at the gym. Feeling like all eyes were on the “fat” chick trying to work out. Worried that they were laughing at me secretly and wondering why I was “wasting” my time. I realize now that this was complete paranoia and nothing but negative self talk - but it was so hard. I know all too well how hard it must be for new people starting at the gym. There was a girl attending the Rock the Scales challenge that I’m doing at the gym now….she’s around my starting weight. She was doing really well but struggling due to her size. I haven’t seen her in 2 weeks. I’m worried she has fallen off track. I wish I had her name or number so I could call her up. I recognize the fear in people’s eyes when I see it and the sense of shame and embarrassment. There is NOTHING to be embarrassed about at all. Yes it sucks to be overweight but at least you are at the gym TRYING and DOING. Sigh. I wish I could get through to more people - it’s such a passion of mine. I want to help more people with losing weight. I need to win the lottery so I can take some training courses and become a trainer.

I wanted to share this post with everyone to show just how scared I was starting out. It wasn’t easy - it still isn’t easy - but it can be done. You can change your life around for the better with making that first step in the right direction. You don’t have to run 10 kms to be a winner - you can start off slow. My first blog posts on Calorie King are filled with thrilling posts of making two trips around the block here in Montague. That’s less than 0.5 km but hell I did it. Small steps and dedication one day at a time will get you the results you want. You build from there. To steal a quote from Tony Robbins “You don’t plant a seed and expect a flower the next day.” It all takes time.

Anyhow I just wanted to share this post. Anyone reading this who wants to lose weight please know that you CAN do it. Don’t put it off waiting for the beginning of a new week or waiting for ‘X, y, z’ before you start. Start NOW, NOW, NOW. There will always be a reason to NOT start so don’t settle for excuses. If I gave up 3 years ago I would be sitting here at 265 lbs (or higher) still “wishing” and “hoping” for a better body and feeling miserable. Wishing didn’t get me where I am now - hard work did. If you really want it you have to work for it. It can’t be given to you - you have to earn it. Don’t waste another day - follow your dreams and work to achieve them now. You will thank yourself later (3 years to be exact)